Back and ready to kick it!

After getting frustrated for the last 2 months because I wasn't dropping any weight, I got pissed off very frustrated. Frustration lead to depression and depression lead full circle back to frustrated pissed off. While that completely sums up how I was feeling, it doesn' sum up why. Why did I go from frustration to depression. For me it was lack of focus. Focus on what I wanted for myself. I got lost in the everything but not the anything. Causing confusion? Sorry, none to be had. I stopped focusing on my and what mattered most. I started focusing on the looking better and liking the smaller sizes. When in reality I should have been focusing on the true why. The why of losing weight.
I pause....do we really know the why? Do we focus so much on material rewards, (and I use the word material loosely, meaning that can be anything from new jeans to special cup of coffee to a pedicure) Well I did! I lost my focus. My days started to look like this again.

I was trying so very hard to lose weight because I was hoping to chaperone my daughters band trip to New York. Well that "reward" fell through because my daughter is only a sophmore and the chaps picked are those of junior and senior parents. Fair enough right??!!?? So then I had to focus on another reward....hmm so many to choose from, where do I start deciding and prioritizing? First my thoughts went to...oh if I reach my goal, then I should get to go to Vegas for my 15th wedding anniversary. Then it was, oh if I reach my goal then I will get to celebrate if we go to Colorado to watch the Lancers perform. The list goes on and on. Anywhere from new clothes, to dinners out, to you name it...I probably tried to reward it.

Then it hit me like an atom bomb.

This is my reward, right here.....

No not the roasted marshmellows, but my kids! This is why I need to lose weight. Ultimately for myself, because I am selfish. I mean, there is NOONE that would be ever able to raise those 3 kids as well as I do. I am sure they have all the skill in the world but darnit....raising these babes, that's my job! So the only way that I can do my job to ensure that is to get healthy. In this case, getting healthy means, losing weight, exercising, and most importantly staying mentally healthy. And how can I stay mentally healthy if I am to busy getting ticked off at the things that I cannot control.

So here it is the last day of August and I am setting my sights for the remainder of 2009 and making sure that I am in this for the right reasons, and those reasons are

1. HEIDI
2. MORGAN
3. CHRISTOPHER
4. KADEN
5. DANIEL

AND IF THAT'S NOT REASON ENOUGH....THEN I SURE AS HECK DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

So good-bye to the 1st 8 months of 2009 and the 53 pound weight loss (which I have maintained during my slacking months, which to me is a huge accomplishment. To be able to eat fairly normal and just be aware of my consumption and still not gain) and hello to the last 4 months and the new me! In 2010 you will find a stronger (physical and mental) healthier, and more faith filled me!